Goodbye

Hey,

Life's been kind and at times a bitch. Can't really complain. Like Dad had said, "Whatever that crosses you now, it's a preparation for the future." so I'm just holding on to that. Keeps me going on even if breaking down seems like the best thing to do now. It pains me to see the one's I love drift away, even in the smallest way possible. Call me paranoid but goodbyes are something that happens a little too often in this lifetime and it makes me anticipate it horridly.

2009 was full of emotions. It was a good year overall. Taught me a lot about life, people and the ways of nature. It brought me closer to Him even if my faith got shaken a few times. I am thankful for that. I met people, the kind I'd hate and it would break my heart to let them go. The type you would want to have hanging around for live because no matter how hard you fall or how you'd grow apart, in a sense you know that when you need them, they'd be there.

Entering UIA changed me alot. And I'm thankful for that.
LAst but not least, I am greatful I have this family with me. Even if I seem like a complete stranger at times and I lock myself in the room and completely make myself alienated, I love them. no matter what.

So yeah, overall 2009's been ok. I hope 2010 becomes a better year for me. I hope, Oh God, I hope.

This has to stop. Pronto.

You lose yourself in the dilemma, your words swallowed by false assurances that everything's going to be fine when the truth stands; you have no idea if everything's going to be alright again. Days grow colder, feelings overpowers the mind, in the end you find yourself in the spot of the person you used to lean on. And you do it for love. What else besides love? You won't be doing it if it was not for this reason so strong that kept you alive all these years.

Keeping calm means being level headed. Which is something I for one, never got used to. I find myself trying my very best to be calm despite everything that is going on. I'm trying to keep a strong front (and God knows I try), I'm trying to fight this battle the best I can. I thank the people around me for unconsciously keeping my mind off the matter at times, it's a vacation in a sense.

These laments may seem worthless and maybe pitiful. Well that's because it does not concern you therefore you couldn't care less of what this hurt soul has to say. I'd explain what I'm going through to all of you, but sadly I don't know how to. It's complicated, it makes me bleed inside.

Give me time, I'll come back again.


If you see me walking down the street,
My head hung low and a dark cloud above me,
Smile and ask how my day went,
I'll smile and tell you the tory of a thousand sorrows.

Computer class. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-boring.

SAVE ME PLEASE.
I am so fcked.

Shit's effed up at the moment, everything's all over the place.
Give me time and I'll be back again.

Dear God, Give me the will and serenity to go on living with this truth.
I choose to not live in denial, it is a complete waste of life.

HEYYYYYYYYYY

Birthday was fine. Got unusual and meaningful presents from people :D

<3
MID SEMS NEXT WEEKK imma see you suckers till then and blog properly then.

I'm back and I'm bad.

Youknow what, SCREW IT. Screw them mofos who had their chance with me and blew it. I gave them time, thoughts and feelings and they blew it so SCREW THEM. I am the best damn thing (or close to) what they'll ever get. I'm funny, I'm beautiful, I'm sexy, I'm intelligent, I'm kind, I care about people's thoughts and feelings and I look at things rationally and logically even though I seem like bimba at times.

I was gonna change the WORLD with my ways before I knew they existed. I was gonna make people KISS the ground I walk on and know that I am capable of making stuff happen so SCREW IT. Imma divert my attention back to THAT. I am not here to go around dating boy after boy, I am here to DO something with all this talent, I am ehre to educate myself and get myself a good life.

I deserve the BEST. I am NOT gonna waste anymore time on these hormonizing (not a typo) teens who really don't know the meaning of dating nor the meaning of love and they just throw this four letter word around like it's a Frisbee and you're supposed to say it back out of distress and technicality and we all know that love does not work that way.

Plus, I'm only 18. I've got all this talent and all this awesome-ness inside of me just hiding and waiting to come out.
Don't need testosterone to hold it in.

;)
Nadhirah Badardin's back, bitches.
And she's grabbing the world by the balls.